you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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