??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
