At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
