You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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