omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
