so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
