3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I will be naked everywhere
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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