I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
