Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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