the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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