By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
