I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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