His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
