I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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