I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
