You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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