This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
