Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Randomize
