What did we do last night that was yellow?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
