he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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