I'm jealous of your bromance
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
