How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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