That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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