I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
