i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
