how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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