My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
