Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
