My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize