walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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