Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
