The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
