Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
