fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
