Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
