I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
