I'm gonna have a badass scar
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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