It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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