1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
