You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
