Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
