Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize