well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
