I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
