i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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