i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
