how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
