just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
