I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Randomize
