I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
