Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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