Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
