I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
