After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
whose parrot is this?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
