i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
