I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
