I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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