I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Randomize
