And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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