She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
