She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
