You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
