what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he fucked my hip out of place.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
