no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
tonight lets celebrate not being married
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
