When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
