Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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