My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
