I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
